U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
