ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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