There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
