Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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