So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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