I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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