idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
birth control should be required to get into college
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
