Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
