Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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