when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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