Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
