ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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