she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Found the puke drawer
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize