I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
