His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
