Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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