is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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