we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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