TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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