You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
