This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
