I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
