Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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