i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
