I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
