i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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