just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
