I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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