in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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