WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Randomize