Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
