I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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