She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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