But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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