you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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