Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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