If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
