Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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