So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
