one word: firstdatebathroomanal
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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