that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
