We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
