the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im holly from the hills drunk
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
