My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
