Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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