So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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