Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
