YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
