People in love make me want to vomit
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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