fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
