i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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