So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
