not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize