That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
