if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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