I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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