he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
