Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
