omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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