she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
