The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
