nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
