You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
