Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
