People in love make me want to vomit
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
