I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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