Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize