Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
