Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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