So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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