I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
