I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize