The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
