Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
