Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
