i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
