Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
