I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
