This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
