I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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