Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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