Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
