you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I could have mohawked her pubes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
