why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
