made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
