Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
