God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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