I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
