This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
