I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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