Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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