Barsexuality is the new black.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
