sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
