HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's blow job season.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize