I want to make a zoo with you.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
