well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
