Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
