Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
