Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Are we still banned from the library?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize