My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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