This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
