Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
