I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
