I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
