I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
