i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
