He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
