dude i'm inner monologue high
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
