She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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