He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
