Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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