We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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