I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
