i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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