just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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